linaket's avatar

linaket

emotional terrorist
379 Watchers44 Deviations
43.1K
Pageviews
Hello, lovelies. 

I don't know who is still out there, or if anyone is still interested in my work. I've moved off DA for personal reasons, but I recently started posting a new and hopefully improved, re-drafted and revamped version of Lifrasir Wars. It is titled Shadow's Prey, and you can find me on Tapas and Royal Road.

Tapas: tapas.io/series/Shadows-Prey
Royal Road: www.royalroad.com/fiction/3012…

Drop me a line if you stop by!

<3 Lina
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Anyone still out there?
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
So... been awhile.  But isn't it always?

First, I want to apologize for not replying to massive amount of comments that are still sitting in my inbox from my newer works.  I read them, I love them, I adore you all, but I figure at this point (since the newest one was 12 weeks ago or so, besides Euxiom's) if I start sending replies to your inboxes you will wonder what crazy person is thanking you for what and it will probably be a whole thing.

Since we've last spoken (talked? commented? read?) I've made my move to NYC.  Well, Brooklyn.  On my first day, a man threatened to kill me for being white and another tried to spit on me.  Other than that, it's been pretty much same-old.  I guess it's true what they say.  You can run as far and as fast as you can but you really can't escape yourself.  I've forgotten how to sleep, I eat toast and cigarettes, and I sit around in a mostly empty apartment that doesn't quite feel like a home, or even a safe place.  But my house and my parents' where both sold, so I guess I just feel... detached from the world.

I've still not acquired a job of any kind, so most of my time is spent wondering what is wrong with me.  I've forgotten how to sleep, how to write.  Which is bad, since I was supposed to have come here to become a writer.  I have been writing all of my life, but as most of you here on DA can tell my postings are erratic and months in between.  I simply don't produce the amount of writing that I think writers usually do.  

I've been subsisting mostly on toast and alcohol.  Most of the people who know my name in this city are bartenders or other regulars.  I've fallen on sidewalks and off barstools and woken up on the wrong side of the city with no recollection of how I had gotten there.  

I'm not used to the air or the chill.  It's actually begun to sap the moisture from my skin and its painful.  My eyes are constantly red, and I can't even get lotion to absorb properly into my skin.

Classes started, and that is all well and good.  Three weeks in and I've learned nothing, done nothing worthwhile.  My workshop professor won't allow my style of writing, and so I'm being forced to churn out mediocre junk that I probably wont even bother to look at twice.  For a school that prides itself on being cutting edge, promoting experimentation and cross-disciplinary work, they don't seem to be overly welcome to these very ideas.  So I had to sign up for weekend classes just see if I could possibly learn something.  So I took a class on the prose-poem-memoir, and when I was presented with works that were supposedly examples of this, I figured I had basically wasted my Saturday.  They were simply prose pieces, with a heightened sense of language.  

People keep telling me things will get better.  I'm having trouble believing that.  I really... I just don't know anymore.  I have no answers, I gave up hope a long time ago, and all I have left is a bleak reality staring me in the face.  I can't even seem to find any light, anywhere.  I just need to figure this out.  Figure it all out.  Try to come to terms with what I've lost in exchange for such little gain.  Try to come to terms with everything I've done, every opportunity I've wasted, ever shred of love I have flushed away for nothing.  But I am sad and I am angry all the time, and I am tired of being sad and angry all the time, and all I do is sit around and think about how I am here because of the choices I made and for no other reason.  And I have to try to find some light in all this.  It's just hard to do when the hole you've dug yourself so deep into is starting to cave in.

This seems like a rather pity-party of a journal.  But, friends, don't worry about me doing anything crazy(er than my usual).  I am used to this.  I am lost, but I am used to this.  If I ever find my way, I would like to think that maybe, just maybe, I will be able to look back and think that everything was worth it.  I don't know how I'm going to get there, or when.  In the meantime, I've got a lot of things to figure out.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Bang.

8 min read


*blows dust off DA account*

So, some lovely anonymous person gifted a three month premium membership to me, and I thought I should use the opportunity to post a few new things to show my appreciation, since I'm kind of a DA bum now.  I also just realized that I've reached my eighth year on this site last month (three day's after my kiddo's sixth birthday).  :iconwhutplz:

(Wow, my DA is older than my kid.  OK, ok, back to things I was saying before--)

My personal life has been rather hectic over the last many months.  I've suffered quite a bit from a broken heart, that was then kicked while it was down.  I've had to deal with threats from my ex in regards to custody of my kid.  All in all, I've been doing a lot of drinking and crying, all while trying to complete the first arc of Lifrasir Wars (which was done way back in January) and the critical portion of my thesis, teaching two classes of students who would have rather been at the dentist than in my classroom, and then editing, defending, printing, and sending off my thesis to be bound.  Honestly, if anything at all came up ever this semester I've just felt the need to screech BUT MY THESIS! and run away.

Now that the whining is out of the way, the good news:

I now have a MA in English.  Well, I don't have the sheet of paper that says that yet, but I have completed all of my requirements and I have my fancy velvet hood so if I was the pretentious type I can start adding " , M.A." after my name every time I sign it if I wanted to.  

I've also been accepted into the MFA Creative Nonfiction program at The New School in NYC.  So, I'll be starting out this crazy academic journey all over again (maybe I'm a glutton for punishment) BUT WAIT.  Did you get the part where I'm moving to NYC?  FINALLY?!  

In all honesty, I started out my journey in Graduate Study with the goal of getting to NYC.  I didn't do too well in my undergrad, so I was determined to prove myself during my MA studies in order to get there.  I've been saving every spare penny I have and working my butt off, sacrificing so much of my life in order to achieve that goal.  But I managed to wrangle a 4.0 for my MA and got accepted into a rather prestigious arts school (IN NEW YORK CITY.  ART SCHOOL.  WRITING.  NEW YORK CITY. I HAD TO BEAT OUT THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.)  in order to study the art form that I love and to which I have devoted my entire life thus far. 

In addition to that, I've also gotten published!  Actually, you can read the story that was published here on DA now since the journal was released last month:



I was futzing around with some formatting and got the message that it received a DLD, as well.  This story, by the way, is also the one that got me to NYC.  It is also about my Dad, who is the best human being I have ever met.  I guess that makes it the most special thing I've ever written so far. 

I've also, at the urging of a couple specific individuals, posted the critical portion of my thesis.  For those academically inclined who want to read what ended up being about a 30 page critical introduction all about DA (THERE ARE PICTURES, IT'S OK), you can go ahead and check that out:

Author-Fan InteractionsAuthor-Fan Interactions:  Community Participation in Creative Works


Introduction
            Fans have become integral in the production of new media.  In Paul Booth’s book Digital Fandom, he defines Digital Fandom as a way of studying how a work is created by a collective community.   My work here is informed by his study; in this thesis, I will be looking at the deviantArt internet community as a whole and then focusing in on a much smaller grouping of fans: those of my own serial work, Lifrasir Wars.  Through an autoethnographical approach, I will look at how a small fan community can shape the creation of a canonical text when the author is an active participant in the communications between the readers and the text.
    deviantArt (DA) is the world’s largest online community for artists and boasts that it displays 245
This thing was a beast in and of itself.  Mostly because it isn't something that has necessarily been written on a whole lot (well, at all really, not from the viewpoint of an active participant).  Most of my research ended up getting squirreled out of communications and sociology databases.  So, I'm actually pretty impressed with myself for writing on something that hasn't necessarily been written about through this type of lens and at this level of focus, at least not that I know of and I researched it for about a year or so.



All in all, everything seems to be smoothing out for now, but I'm still on edge waiting for it all to blow up once more.  I got some new tattoos and I have the rest of May to breathe, just wrapping up odds-and-ends, and then the crazy hits.  My parents are moving to Florida, and we'll be trying to shift the eighteen years of STUFF they've amassed in their 3000 sq. ft house and on their 5 acres of land to their new 4000 sq ft. house with, I think, more land, three states away.  THEN, in July I'm headed to NYC all on my lonesome to, hopefully, finally find my own way.

Don't worry, folks.  You know me.  I'll still be ghosting around these parts.

:heart: -Lina


Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In


Requisite squashy survey.  WHO STARTED THIS THING?  :shakefist:

[1] Are you bi?
No.  Girls are gorgeous but penis.

[2] Where was your facebook profile picture taken?
In my living room.  Where else do people take pictures?

[3] What is your middle name?
Danielle.

[4] Do you have a crush?
I'm in a constant state of crushing.

[5] Does your crush like you back?
wouldn't be a crush then, would it?

[6] What is your current mood?
Sad.  Very sad.  But ok with being sad.

[7] What are you looking forward to?
What?

[8] What makes you happy?
GREENA.  Squashies.  Twizzlers.  maybe puppies.

[9] Look at a poster in your room, who's on it?
there's no poster here.  There are BSG posters in the hallway, but this room has art prints of stuff from LW.

[10] What are you not looking forward to?
Getting rejection letters from all the colleges I applied to and having to move to Florida with my parents (I hate FL, sorry Floridians) and working at Lowe's again or maybe I'll take my clothes off to pay for my student loans and just cry over my Master's degree at night.

[11] If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
one of inknalcohol's dogs.  Bee said this, too, but I have actually often imagined that this would be the best life ever don't judge me.

[12] Have you ever had a near death experience?
Several?  

[13] What was the last phone conversation you had?
haha no let's not talk about that.

[14] The song stuck in your head?
not stuck in my head, but I have Mumford & Sons's "After The Storm" on repeat for the foreseeable future.

[15] What is your desktop background?
I have two monitors so I have to use a pattern that will go across them so its just this rainbow line drip thing on black.  Think I got it on DA.

[16] What are you wearing?
Express ReRock bootcut medium wash slightly destroyed jeans.  Double-V side ruched red t-shirt.  Four necklaces.  Two bracelets.  White socks, mismatched, stained.  Black panties/bra.  And an eyepatch.  

[17] When was the last time you cried?
'bout an hour ago.

[18] Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
I sing in my car all the time on the interstate.  There are lots of people on the interstate.

[19] If you could have a super power what would it be?
The ability to talk to animals.  

[20] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Height, hair, jaw.  

[21] What do you usually order from Starbucks?
If it's hot:  cafe vanilla frappaccino (how the eff is that spelled), extra shot.  If it's cold:  vanilla latte, extra shot.  

[22] What's your biggest secret?
I have no self-confidence or self-worth.  Oh wait.  That's not a secret.

[23] Who makes you the happiest?
Greena.

[24] Who makes you the most depressed?
Mostly myself.

[25] Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
When the kid is around, yes.  If she is in the house I'm not allowed to watch anything with people in it.

[26] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Whiskey.

[28] What's your favorite smell?
Patchouli.  Or a guy's neck, unless he's not a good smelling guy.

[29] If you could describe your life in one word what would it be?
Clusterfuck.  

[30] When was the last time you had a hug?
Friday before last.  It was cold, and I was barefoot on a porch, it was six in the morning and I hadn't slept, and fuck you very much for the reminder.

[31] What do you want most in life?
....

[32] What are you thinking about right now?
Question #30 GEE THANKS FOR THAT.

[33] What should you be doing?
applying for scholarships.  formatting my thesis.  emailing my students.  grading papers.  taking a shower.  taking my medications.  cleaning my kitchen.  drinking more.

[34] What's your favorite candy?
twizzlers duh.

[35] How often do you laugh?
um.  don't remember the last time I did.  Oh no, I do.  Little over a week ago.

[36] Do you like working in the yard?
Everytime I try to cut grass my lawn mower tries to kill me.  No.  I do not like outside.  There are things outside.

[37] What are you doing this week?
reading, crying, sleeping.

[38] Do you act differently around your crush/significant other?
Not really.  However, these people don't really exist.

[40] Did you lie at all during this survey?
The fuck is this, court TV?

Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Different pastures.... by linaket, journal

I seem to have misplaced my besties. by linaket, journal

Misplaced Hurricane Refugee by linaket, journal

Bang. by linaket, journal

Because everyone is doing it and I'm alive. by linaket, journal