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Submitted on
November 2, 2012
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This is the thing about forgetting:

                For weeks you bury your face in the clothes you wore when he was near and the smell is a comfort and a torture.  You decide that the torture is not worth the comfort so you leave them draped across the back of a chair and place things on top of them to stop yourself until one day you shove your hands through the pile until your fingers wrap around the fabric and you yank it free only to realize it was pointless.  Even his ghost is gone.

                The next thing that leaves is the way his voice looked in the dark.  Those few sentences become blurred and rough around the edges.  What you remember drops in your stomach in a different way. 

                You run your fingers over your bottom rib and remember his lips there.  You remember that instant, that moment, because it was different.  It had never happened before.  It seemed special, it seemed like it was yours.  Then, you realize you can’t remember what side it was.  And it mattered.  That was what you were supposed to remember.

                You forget his hands behind his head, his shut eyes.  You don’t forget the feeling of failure.  That you remember.  You know that will never go away.

                Somewhere in the middle of all the forgetting you remember how you held your arms together.  How he seemed surprised at how pale you were in the industrial glow.  You want to think this made you special.  You know it didn’t.

                This becomes your ritual:  you curl up on the bathroom floor clutching your head and tell yourself repeatedly that it is over.   It is finished.  It will not happen.  Stop it.  Just stop it.   You have trained yourself for years to slip into that place, a place where he is with you.  It has always been your comfort, but it is gone.  You tell yourself that it is gone.  Stop it.  Just stop.  But you can’t—you refuse.

idk what I'm doing.

Edit: calling it what it is.
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SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hi there! I've used the title of this piece in a poem for of my Found Poetry Project :heart:
linaket Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013   Writer
You're so cool :heart:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
TerrifiedToForgetYou Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is just...amazing. I just stumbled upon it, thank you for summing up how I feel about my most recent break up
CherryBlossomSpring Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautifully written, Miss *linaket.

Thank you for thoroughly expressing my feelings. I am really glad I am watching you on dA. You have such a beautiful way with words and such a clear description of human feeings without just saying in a simple sentence "I miss you". To be honest, I just follwed your for LW but your other works, as I am seeing now, are just as magnificent. This is short and bitter-sweet. Keep up the great work!
PossumFan Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
So much beauty in this. Great work!

+ fave
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012   General Artist
Congratulations on the well deserved DLD, sugar :huggle:
linaket Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012   Writer
Thank you so much :love:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   General Artist
You are most welcome! :tighthug:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.
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